Are you happy? Identifying the why in you

Take home messages

• Know and play to your strengths;
• get your thinking right;
• invest in yourself; and
• it's all about choices.

My client gave me one of those knowing smiles that I usually get from people when they discover my passion for the Melbourne Football Club. I don’t have the time for that Dennis, was her knowing response. We were coming to the end of our 45 minute session and I had been listening to all of the challenges that this intelligent, active person had been disclosing to me. She had been discussing all of her challenges and her sense of being overwhelmed with life.

I had asked her the two questions that I ask all people to think about:Why do you what you do? and Are you happy? It was in response to the last question that I got the response, I don’t have the time for that!

I get what is behind the response. A sense of 'ground hog day', a sense of being influenced by so many things that she and her family business couldn’t control – the weather, supply issues, other people’s behaviour.

However, my reason for asking was that the conversations I have with people who identify themselves as 'happy' are very different to those I have with people who struggle with a response. The conversations with people who are happy are much more focused and driven, with action plans about how to maintain the energy, drive and results. My conversations with people who struggle to answer this question are more about strategies to become unstuck and move on.

Guess which is the better conversation to have?

So I ask you the question, "Are you happy?"

It’s a question that you have to answer as an individual, a family, a team, a business and as a community.

The results are indicating that maybe many of us are unhappy and the implications are starting to hurt.

A Safe Work Australia report found overwork and stress costs Australia A$30 billion a year – half the total workplace injury bill.

An Econtech report in 2007 found that stress-related 'absenteeism' and 'presenteeism' (where people are present in their roles but not engaged) directly costs Australian employers A$10.1 billion annually. These figures do not include the hidden costs of recruitment and re-skilling resulting from staff turnover.

Another study by Compsych indicated that 29 per cent of employees come to work five or more days per year too stressed to be effective.

A bigger issue of this lack of happiness is the impact on the national health bill. $377 million is the annual direct health care cost attributable to physical inactivity per year, of which $56m is directly attributable to depressive disorders. Depression, diabetes, heart disease and hypertension are estimated to account for 44 per cent of overall productivity loss.

Of 300,000 Workhealth checks delivered in Victoria, more than 66 per cent of participants were found to have a medium to high risk of developing type 2 diabetes and or cardiovascular disease. In addition, 92.9 per cent of workers tested were not eating enough fruit and vegetables and 70 per cent were not doing enough exercise.

So I ask you again, "Are you happy?"

In search of happiness

What makes you happy? I work with so many people who struggle to answer this fundamental question, and if you can’t answer this, let me tell you, neither can I!

What are your strengths?

Who has heard the saying, 'You can be anything you want to be, if you just try hard enough' - WRONG!

If we come from a position where we (1) don’t know our strengths and (2) don’t play to them, we will never achieve that position of happiness. There is overwhelming worldwide research (Harvard Medical School, Gallup Foundation) that indicates we tend to focus on where we can improve rather than focusing on developing what we are strong at. In every culture studied the overwhelming majority of parents and teachers focus on the lowest results as they believe they deserve the most time and attention, rather than focusing on the highest results which are ignored.

Let me give you a formula (not the only one, but a very good starting point) for happiness:

This will contribute to happiness, which will build your resilience and wellness.  It’s a basic truth. You can’t be anything you want to be, but you can be a whole lot more than the person you currently believe you are.

How do you think, feel and behave?

Do you invest in yourself and take (sometimes small but continuous) steps to achieve mastery?

The brain is a marvellous thing, but we often under-utilise it. We need to believe in the power of the brain and the effect of the reticular activating system (RAS), (or extrathalamic control modulatory system). The RAS is a set of connected nuclei in the brains of vertebrates that is responsible for regulating arousal and sleep-wake transitions. As the name implies, its most influential component is the reticular formation. In simple terms, it rewards us by what we focus on. If we focus on and think, feel and behave around our strengths, we move towards happiness, i.e. pleasure.

If we focus on and think, feel and behave around our weaknesses, that is what we get – a focus on our weaknesses or pain.

Let me share a secret with you – in my life I have had pleasure and I have been in pain, and pleasure wins very time.

So, some questions for you:

• How do you think, feel and behave?
• Are you taking time to invest in yourself to build on thinking feeling and behaving in a positive strengths based manner?

The happiness conspiracy

I don’t think that you can be happy just by thinking happy thoughts. It helps, but it’s not sustainable. If you only think happy thoughts, you are in a delusional state. It’s like me saying that this is the year for the Melbourne Demons. Just by wishing, it isn’t going to happen.

So what else can we do?

Lessons Learnt Consulting has built solutions around this very issue. To achieve happiness in life, a holistic strategy needs to be embraced. We believe there are seven elements that are all about achieving personal wellness and happiness.

Values wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans around the following questions:

• Are you clear on what your values are?
• What do you stand for?
• Is there consistency between your values and your behaviours?
• What is your 'personal brand'? and at the end of the day,
• What will be your legacy?

Because after all, they are all we will be remembered for.

Career wellness

This element asks you to start thinking about and developing action plans around the question: "Why do you do what you do?"

• How did you end up the role you are doing now?
• Was it by accident or was it a matter of luck?
• Are you okay with that?
• Are you using your strengths in your career?
• Are you investing in yourself by 'sharpening your saw'?
• Is the job you are doing now just filling in time or taking you somewhere?

Work is fundamental to our wellness, and we spend enough time there, so let’s make it worthwhile!

Emotional wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans around the following questions:

• What strategies do you have to bounce through the challenges of life and everyday living?
• Are you surviving or thriving through the challenges of life?

Financial wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans around the following questions:

• Do you have a financial plan to support you? After all, your ability to have some form of life style is directly linked to your ability to pay your bills!
• Do you have default systems around you to manage your finances?
• Are you investing in memories as well as physical possessions?

Physical wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans the following questions:

• Do you look after yourself at a physical level, your diet, exercise and nutrition?
• What are your habits and rituals?

Community wellness

This element asked you to start developing and living action plans around the following questions:

• Do you give back to the community through some level of volunteering?
• Do you enhance community life not only for you and family but also for others?

Connectivity wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans around the following questions:

• How well are you connect to your people around you, your family, work colleagues and community?
• Who are you associating with, are they people who build you up or bring you down?

Spiritual wellness

This element asks you to start developing and living action plans around the following question:

• What do you believe in?

Let me tell you a secret – it doesn’t matter what you believe in, but you have to believe in something!

Summary

Do you have a strategy across all these seven elements? Is the strategy working for you? Do you know where to start? If not let’s talk.

My personal belief is that we were all put on this earth to do something. None of us are going to get out of this life alive so we should identify what that 'something' is. Once that is found, happiness and wellness follows!

Contact details

Dennis Hoiberg

Level 11 50 Market Street Melbourne VIC 3000

1300 365 119

dennis.hoiberg@lessonslearntconsulting.com

www.lessonslearntconsulting.com